This is a blog about stories.

Some pretty amazing stories people are being told in the US election campaign. To me, it often feels more like an extreme reality show than politics.

I asked an American, recently relocated to Chicago from Zürich, how she reads the potential presidential candidates’ stories.

Over to Chantal Panozzo

 

Mostly unfortunate conversations from those attempting to be presidential

“Shoot someone and win”

Donald Trump
I could shoot someone and still win.

Ted Cruz
Great. Let’s test that theory and allow open-carry at the convention.

John Kasich
Should I bring my gun if those guys do?

Hillary Clinton
If Obama thinks it’s a good idea, then yes.

Bernie Sanders
Wealth inequality. Wealth inequality. A little Birdie told me there’s wealth inequality.

“Bird on podium”

Bernie Sanders
This bird is like a dove asking for world peace.

Hillary Clinton
Oh right, a dove asking for world peace. That’s perfect for my Twitter feed.

Donald Trump
Security, arrest this fucking excuse for a bunch of feathers. Now!

Ted Cruz
Ah! It’s an illegal alien. Secure our borders.

Donald Trump
Fuck. Where’s that wall when you need it?

Ted Cruz
Hey, the wall was my idea!

John Kasich
Um, guys, most people here illegally flew into the States and overstayed their visas.

Donald Trump
You are so boring, Kasich.

“Your Wife is Ugly”

Donald Trump
Your wife is ugly.

Ted Cruz
Your wife is uglier.

Hillary Clinton
I am a wife and let me say this conversation is the ugliest.

Donald Trump
Guess you don’t want to be invited to my next wedding once my current wife does get ugly.

Hillary Clinton
I didn’t mean…

Donald Trump
You’re not going to be invited anyway. Last time the only gift you gave me was your presence. Talk about ugly.

Hillary Clinton.
It wasn’t fun anyway.

Bernie Sanders
Wealth inequality. Wealth inequality. A little Birdie told me there’s wealth inequality.

“Women Should Be Punished”

Donald Trump
Women should be punished if they get an illegal abortion.

Ted Cruz
Right. Unless they’re in the top 1%.

Donald Trump
Shut up. That part is our little secret.

Hillary Clinton
Whew, I’ll tell my daughter not to worry then.

Bernie Sanders
Wealth inequality. Wealth inequality. A little Birdie told me there’s wealth inequality.

 

chantal_sm

 

Chantal Panozzo is the author of Swiss Life: 30 Things I Wish I’d Known. Not surprisingly, the sequel, American Life: 30 Things I Wish I’d Known is in the works. She blogs at www.onebigyodel.com and www.writerabroad.com

 

Images courtesy of Chantal Panozzo and Creative Commons/US National Archives.

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